Binge listening to  The Band-mostly "Makes no difference" one of Danko's gems."unfaithful servent "  Today those words pierce me, but there's no one to share with.  At least no one who understands...without explaining. God, I miss being heard, being seen- 

And what is this sudden attraction to words and wanting to express myself with words after all these many years?  Maybe cause the visual gets harder? Plus, words take less space than paintings.  Who knows?  My head is full of words.  The images are fading into shadows.

" makes no difference who I meet..just a face on a dead end street"            

Driving Blind

 Ironic to find my last post was written a year ago almost to the day.  No one reads this blog anymore so there's really no restrictions on what I can say.  For now this is more a diary than something to share.

Kuzya died this past January from stage 4 stomach cancer.  He was sick a long time and I was never able to give him all the love and second chance life I wanted to provide for him.  It was tragic in so many ways.  Zeva is healthy and a little more affectionate, but still aloof.

I wen t to renew my driver's license over the summer which set off a chain of events I hadn't anticipated. Too long a nightmare to describe, but I have Age related Macular Degeneration  (AMD)  . no sight in my right eye.  Both eyes are affected, but with glasses I can still see sorta ok. I was told even the "good" eye could fail and cause blindness, too-maybe in 10 years, maybe tomorrow.  AMD, I believe is the most common cause of blindness in older adults. I've chased several unicorns...and rainbows seeking a more optimistic prognosis.  Interesting research and actual recoveries from stem cell and hormonal therapies...but beyond my means. I've done the things that are available to me, including brain and body numbing injections in the eye

They didn't renew my driver's license, of course and  another fantasy drifted  away.  For the last t 20 years I kept hope alive that someday, some way . I'd get to drive again.I'm like the patron saint of lost causes.

Beyond the Covid 19 pandemic, it's been a challenging couple of years for me trying to cope with the wasteland that was once my body.  It's a long list: arthritis almost eyerywhere, but especially hands and back; carpal tunnel in both hands,numbness; COPD, coronary artery disease, positive colon cancer test; colonoscopy...one diagnostic, one to remove 5 large, precancerous polyps; two endoscopies; bleeding esophagas; Gerd; acid reflux; lung noduels; over active bladder; chronic kidney disease (stage 3A); cataracts; torn rotator cuff; two pinched nerves; spinal stenosis;  atrophied facet joints; disc disease; edema... all this with my lifelong struggle with anxiety/depression/PTSD; high blood pressure; high cholesteral; obesity.  (how am I even alive??)

It's been a lot.  I've always believed there comes a time in life where enough is enough and an individua has the right to choose their own destiny.  With that in mind, I've decided to make one more, super big stab at making my life decent enough to continue.  The plan is to try everything I can to  improve my existence..physically, spiritually, materially. I am commiting to giving it the old college try.  If it fails...on to plan B.

Andre Lhote

 I have just viewed almost 200 of this artist's paintings.  In his work I see Van Gogh, Mattise, Picasso, Miro, and some earlier artists whose names I don't recall. This guy, Andre Lhote flows seamlessly from figurative realism to abstraction and still maintains his own voice.  I hope that could be true of my work, too.

Returning

 I was surprized to see this long abandoned blog site was still standing.  Too, too much has occured to even attempt to catch up.

Sam, Cassie and Sapphire are gone.  I lost the girls during the summer of the covid-19 pandemic.  So many lives have been lost and still counting.  Most of my friends have survived.  A few haven't.

Most of us have been quarantined for the past 13 months.  The entire world has been on hold; the economy and social structures are colapsing. No one knows how this will play out.  The uncertanty hangs over all.

Two new cats have moved in with me.  Meet Zeva,  a 3 year old Russian Blue who, as far as I can tell, has never had an insecure moment in her life. She's aloof and independent and typifies the feline personality.

 

This is Kuzya, a nine year old male, orphaned and unwanted when his people died.  He is timid and defensive, and not adjusting well to his new life.

They mostly hate each other, and neither are too fond of me.  This is very different from the cats I had lived with over the last 25 years.  A challenge for all.

Portrait of Vincent

i started this painting a long, long time ago.

after seeing the new Van Gogh movie i was inspired to finish it.

returning

a long silence.

my affair with photography proved to be rooted in lust, not love. a sweet, but brief infatuation. 

i've come back to color and brushes and the wonderful messiness of paint.  i'm rusty, but its fun.

here is a cell phone snapshot of the first painting i've done in the last five years.

messing with iso

'

'''

practice shots light and shadows

''

the artist's assistants

photography

i've decided i want to learn photography in the new year.
here are some practice shots.  hopefully we'll see big improvements soon.

some trees

taken at the brooklyn botanical gardens; winter 2018

some cats

sam

look at that paw...no wonder he types faster than i do!

cassie

sapphire

on the passing of Barbara Valianti

it wasn't supposed to go down like this.  we were supposed to be raising hell in the old age home.  we were supposed to be wise old crones together. instead she slipped away in the early hours yesterday.

I thought there was time,yet for us to laugh and finish our paintings.  i thought there would be time for a proper goodbye.

now there are no words for the hole in my heart.

rest peacefully, my friend...i know our paths will cross again.

Georgia O Keeffe; living modern

finally made it to the o'keeffe show at the brooklyn museum. i love stieglitz photographs of o'keeffe, but i love her paintings more. i would have preferred more painting,less photos.
speaking of photographs, i took a bunch of blurry pix at the exhibit .

the iconic hat         

an  early drawing

\

                                                                   

 her shoes

some dresses

sculpture

some paintings

recent work

/

still life

homage to klimt

water towers

collage featuring brancusi sculpture