Ironic to find my last post was written a year ago almost to the day. No one reads this blog anymore so there's really no restrictions on what I can say. For now this is more a diary than something to share.
Kuzya died this past January from stage 4 stomach cancer. He was sick a long time and I was never able to give him all the love and second chance life I wanted to provide for him. It was tragic in so many ways. Zeva is healthy and a little more affectionate, but still aloof.
I wen t to renew my driver's license over the summer which set off a chain of events I hadn't anticipated. Too long a nightmare to describe, but I have Age related Macular Degeneration (AMD) . no sight in my right eye. Both eyes are affected, but with glasses I can still see sorta ok. I was told even the "good" eye could fail and cause blindness, too-maybe in 10 years, maybe tomorrow. AMD, I believe is the most common cause of blindness in older adults. I've chased several unicorns...and rainbows seeking a more optimistic prognosis. Interesting research and actual recoveries from stem cell and hormonal therapies...but beyond my means. I've done the things that are available to me, including brain and body numbing injections in the eye
They didn't renew my driver's license, of course and another fantasy drifted away. For the last t 20 years I kept hope alive that someday, some way . I'd get to drive again.I'm like the patron saint of lost causes.
Beyond the Covid 19 pandemic, it's been a challenging couple of years for me trying to cope with the wasteland that was once my body. It's a long list: arthritis almost eyerywhere, but especially hands and back; carpal tunnel in both hands,numbness; COPD, coronary artery disease, positive colon cancer test; colonoscopy...one diagnostic, one to remove 5 large, precancerous polyps; two endoscopies; bleeding esophagas; Gerd; acid reflux; lung noduels; over active bladder; chronic kidney disease (stage 3A); cataracts; torn rotator cuff; two pinched nerves; spinal stenosis; atrophied facet joints; disc disease; edema... all this with my lifelong struggle with anxiety/depression/PTSD; high blood pressure; high cholesteral; obesity. (how am I even alive??)
It's been a lot. I've always believed there comes a time in life where enough is enough and an individua has the right to choose their own destiny. With that in mind, I've decided to make one more, super big stab at making my life decent enough to continue. The plan is to try everything I can to improve my existence..physically, spiritually, materially. I am commiting to giving it the old college try. If it fails...on to plan B.
