Friday, August 31, 2012


When i was 6 years old my best friend had her tonsils taken out.  I got her crayons and coloring books and drawing paper as a get well gift.  it was crayola's 64 color box with the sharpner in the back of the box .  I coveted that gift.  It wasn't like I didn't have crayons of my own.  But those were 64 colors!!!The crayons were sharp and solid and included three metalic shades of gold, silver and bronze. so even tho the crayons were my gift to her i resented her for the entire afternoon.

years later the waxy smell of crayons still takes me back to many happy hours of drawing and coloring.  and the 64 color box still makes me smile.


I tend to have some trouble with the notion of linear time,contrived by man and limited to measurements. I think of time as being an artificial concept, but i know it passes.  Faster, the older i get.

"time run like a frieght train...."

"time it was and what a time it was...."

i am rambling here, filling time.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

free write 104/age

There are some good things that come with age...a more relaxed attitude and acceptance of myself and my circumstances.

Each age has its own beauty and its own complexities.

Many years ago an older lady told me the only thing that really changes is the outside.  true in some ways, but not all.

I don't know what to say about aging except that it beats the alternative.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


The last time I went to MOMA was to see a photography exhibit, but my favorite part of the day was seeing the paintings.
Klimpt,Picasso, Klee, seeing old friends i hadn't seen in twenty years.
Its been a long time since I've been to the Met or the Gugenheim or the Whitney...where i was first introduced to Lucas Samaras.
I've been to the Museum of Modern Art a couple of times and to the Brooklyn museum some years back to see a maxfield Parrish exhibit.
When I was a kid I would cut school and go the museums.  At the Brooklyn museum i liked the student section best.  I don't remember seeing that section last time i was there.


I have a lot of plants with names i either don't know or can't pronounce.
I like having living things around, hence the five cats and the windows filled with plants.
I've been lazy this season, and while I haven't neglected them to death, I haven't done much beyond the bare minimum to nourish them.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


My favorite season is Autumn for its coolness and its color.  i love walking in freshly fallen leaves and hearing that slight crackle when you step on them.  Fall for home owners must not be so fun, tho, sweeping and disposing of those lovely colored leaves.
Winter has its own stark beauty...bare trees revealing twisted, graceful limbs.  Flat, grey skies, wet with perfect as its falling, such a hassle later on.
Everyone loves Spring's green and colorful abundance...birds and flowers and allergies for some.
Try as i might i can't quite find the good in scorching summer, except that the sunsets are beautiful.

#100/free write

sometimes these free writes are too difficult.  i get distracted by the ink and the flow of the letters off my pen.  i start drawing the letters like i did in steno class way, way back when.
i think it has to do with my lack of artistic endeavors of late.  the act of writing...the physical act of writing, that is, becomes dominant to the subject matter.
i have no idea what i'm rambling about on this very smokey night/suddenly quiet except for the sound of the AC and sapphrire interrupting the flow.

Saturday, August 25, 2012


mother earth must surely weep as we strip her of her resources and violate her with toxic waste.  she must weep for the trees that fall along the amazon and the melting glaciers of antartica.
earth has been a resilient planet so far.

Friday, August 24, 2012


i met a blind lady once who told me she had lost her sight but not her vision.

my vision has always been poor.  i don't quite see the big picture for all the details or sometimes all i see is the big picture but the details are blurred.

a vision in the sense of a visitation is something else again.   I've seen what wasn't there...tho only on a minor scale and only while on a vision quest.

free write 97/ shoes

My mother loved shoes.  especially high heels. as she got older and was less able to wear that style of shoe, i started her on a shoe collection.  Other relatives and friends went along.
So now i have inherited a huge collections of shoes, mostly ceramic, but wire and wooden ones too.  some made of resin, several brass high buttoned shoes, a crocheted shoe.  baby shoes and heels in all sizes.  some broken ones i repaired and covered with polymer clay.

i go without shoes as often as possible.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

free write # 96/chains

i remember what it was like to live in chains, even tho it was a long time ago.  invisible chains cut into your soul the way cold steel cuts the flesh....which only happens when you start to stir.  if you stay very still you can learn to live in chains with a certain acceptance of your fate.
sometimes i would rattle the chains enough to be released for a spell, but the chains were always waiting.
i suppose there are still some chains on my spirit, that i've put there myself...

Monday, August 20, 2012


I always played an angel in my church's annual christmas program.  except for that one year there weren't enough boys in sunday school so i donned a beard and played a Shepard.
I don't know much about real life angels, having never recognized one.  I've met angelic people but none who seemed other worldly.
I love making angels.  Every christmas i make angels out of something....from polymer clay to bleached white coffee filters to wire and silk angels.  There's something reverent about making angels.
snow angels are fun too.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


Did a simple three card tarot reading just now. The page of pentacles was the first card i chose.  it says, i believe,that my past has been related to material things, $$$, the lack there of.
My present card was the Empress which is all about abundance and prosperity.  the cards must be pulling my leg.
My future card was the ace of wands...having to do with creativity and flourishing, i believe.
Maybe the cards are saying I already have abundance, even if its a bunch of junk.
If the future holds some new creative blossoming that would be grand.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

free write # 93/theater

I haven't been to the theater in a long time. My mom loved theater and she passed that love on to me.  I've only been to see a play once since my mom passed and that was to see a local theater group doing agatha christie's "ten little indians".

mom and i saw lots of musicals together; man of la mancha, eubie!, 42nd street, La cage, so many more i can't recall not to mention all the off broadway productions.

theater is that combination of velvet curtains and magic.

i saw Jesus Christ Superstar with Lynne, Colored Girls with Tony, the season at Circle in the Square and Cubiculo with Arlene.  Godspell with Tom. 

not much more to say about theater except that i miss it and wish i could afford to go.


I think prescription drugs are necessary and good even tho i pretty much hate the pharmaceutical companies.  but don't get me started on that.
I heavily medicated myself and i think its been helpful. i'm one of those people who wait till i can't stand it anymore before taking pain meds.   Exactly what you aren't supposed to do, but its ingrained in me to try to tough it out.
Drugs solve a lot of problems and sometimes they create more than they solve.  i hate anything codeine based...makes me feel disoriented and miserable.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

free write # 91/ Wrinkles

There's an old joke about it being wonderful that wrinkles don't hurt.  Some days i completely understand that sentiment and am immensely grateful for that fact.

I like wrinkles, actually tho i admit i like them more on other people.There's nothing like laugh lines etched into the skin, proof that one has learned to laugh at life .

As an artist I find wrinkles quite interesting visually.  An old face , or a crumpled piece of fabric, both are more interesting with wrinkles.

I guess its that way with Life's wrinkles too.  that put a wrinkle in our plans...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

number ninety/POPCORN

There's nothing like delving into a big old tub of buttered popcorn in a darkened movie theater.  A good movie and popcorn are one of the great combos of life.

i remember as a kid having Jiffy Pop which came in its own cooking pan.  You had to keep shaking the pan over the heat and the foil wrapping would grow into a big balloon filled with the salty, buttery treat.  I don't think they make that anymore; now all the popcorn comes in microwave varieties.  you still get to watch the package balloon out with all the popped kernels but its not near as much fun as Jiffy Pop was.

Popcorn is a great food in my opinion.  it has lots of fiber and tastes good.  Air popped is the healthiest choice, but i like mine slathered in butter and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

89/ brooklyn

i 've always been proud of being from Brooklyn...i'm not sure why, but its a famous hometown.

you've got to be tough to be from brklyn...not in a bad aggressive way, tho thats the stereotype, but tough as in strong.

brooklyn is made up of many neighborhoods that change demographics every few years it seems.  Bay Ridge was not always a melting pot...nor is it really one now. far and middle eastern people dominate the neigthborhood. the asians are a few miles down.  i can't seem to write about brooklyn without sounding racist...

Monday, August 13, 2012


I have a crystal on the kitchen table in front of the window where i have my plants.  mostly all of them are thriving despite my negligence.  so crystals hold life affirming power, i'm sure of that.

i know that rose quartz is good for healing, but i don't know much more than that.

my friend does healing with crystals...not just rose quartz but clear crystals and chunks of amethyst too.

i have several small crystals around the house.  i find them sometimes when i 'm not looking for them.
they make me smile.

Sunday, August 12, 2012


the last concert i went to was the Cream Reunion Tour at Madison Square Garden.  i never get over that it was the most expensive concert i've ever attended.  i couldn't have afforded to go if i were on my own.  it was great seeing Jack Bruce,Ginger Baker and of course, Eric Clapton back together again playing like they hadn't played in years.

my all time favorite concert was Keith Jarret's solo show. i don't remember the name of the concert hall, but it was a wonderfully intimate venue.

another great time was seeing Arthur Lee and LOVE.  i waited 30 years to see that show.  it was worth the wait.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

free wite 86/ film

i don't know what to write about film except to say that it is something i think of with nostalgia.  Like records,and cassette tapes...the technology of my youth.
i had a camera as a was a nightmare to load the film with out exposing some shots.  i remember being so happy when i got my first instamatic.  it had a film cartridge you just dropped in to load.  those were fun cameras for fooling around.
film, as in movies is a league of its own.the look of film is distinct.


i remember once wanting to do a series of self portraits as reflected in motel room mirrors.  i always looked different but i never painted any of the images.
i remember motels as a kid traveling cross country with my mom.  mini homes some of those rooms.
i love the neon light sign flashing 'no vacancies"in front of the small,squat overnight dwellings.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


most of my prayers are of the "bargaining with god" varieties, but i do occasionally stop to say a sincere thank you for my circumstances.

i wrote a prayer for my confirmation class which was later published in a christian magazine. i think they paid me a dollar to print it.

prayer is a powerful tool.  i know that more intuitively than intellectually.  to pray for someone is a divine act.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


Unlike some people i know, i have no first hand experience with ghosts but i don't doubt that they exist.

One of my favorite movies is "Ghost"  it was the only time i enjoyed a demi moore film.   that movie made me believe.

i've heard a lot of ghost stories and i believe at least half of them.  i've read about haunted hotels, hospitals and prisons.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

free write #82/Paper

i love paper! one of the greatest sights is a clean white sheet of paper.  You can imagine anything and everything woven in its fibers.
i love all kinda of paper; fine art papers...watercolor, 300 lb. rough, my favorite to work on  full sized sheets, maybe 23 x 32.  i did my nudes on aquarelle....or maybe it was luna.
notebook paper, as familiar as crayons
writing paper, i loved the sheer sheets...oh the soulful letter i wrote once upon a time..
wrapping paper for a wonderful present or a collage,
waxed paper to batik on,
handmade paper which i've never made, but want to.

both paintings on 300 lb/cold pressed watercolor paper.  top piece features a technique called "paste paper"

Monday, August 6, 2012

free write #81/ forests

I don't have much first hand experience with forests.  Being raised in nyc most of my exposure to nature was via parks.

I think of the Enchanted Forest where fairy tales come true.  that sounds like an ad for disney....i meant the setting for many fairy tales.

I think of the 70's film "the Emerald Forest" but that was about the rain forest and its rapid, man made destruction.  I remember being moved by that movie.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

free write #80/Teas

There's not much to say about teas but i do enjoy a cup of lemon zinger on cold winter's night.  soothing.

red zinger was an old favorite along with sleepytime, all from Celestial Seasons which came in beautifully packaged boxes.

so many varieties.
exotic brews from across the world...

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Gore Vidal

i never read any of gore vidal's books, but i was saddened to hear of his passing. i had a huge crush on him back in the days when he was often on television. i will miss his intellect and acerbic wit.

free write # 79/ fame

i imagine fame must be a difficult thing to deal with.

i think of vivian maier, that truly amazing street photographer and the fame she is experiencing posthumously.  There was some great quote which i can't remember but it went something do the work and let the rest of the world decide what to do with it.  it was more eloquent when she said it.
i relate to that in my own quest for fame as an artist who's work mattered. 
fame after death sounds ok to me, tho i could really deal with the money that usually accompanies fame.
meanwhile, i don't have near enough experience with fame to make much of a commentary.

Friday, August 3, 2012

free write #78/ cake

i tried to make a cake from scratch once for tony's birthday.  i was impatient to frost it so i put it in the freezer to cool.  When i went back to check on it my moist fluffy cake was as flat as a pancake.

it would make sense that some one like me who likes cake so much would learn to bake well.  i never again strayed from the boxed mix.

i don't have a favorite cake anymore, but it used to be chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  My horizons (and my hips) have widened.  i like all kinds of cake...crumb, cakes, layer cakes, ice cream cakes, especially.

i am making myself want cake.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


there's nothing like laying on your back watching clouds.  this one looks like a dragon....there's an angel over there!...and a face!! like a huge abstract canvas there are no end to the images different eyes behold.

not a cloud to been on this flat, gray day.  no inspiration for writing.

i like traveling inside clouds. the view from the plane all white and fluffy like clouds of smoke dissipating in a room;
dark storm clouds paint the sky with broad brushes.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

free write #76/ the moon

Big and lonesome looking in the sky,the moon rules the astrological sign Cancer. i have great sensitivity to the waxing and waning of the moon.

i feel like i've written this all before.

so many lovers silhouetted  against the full moon.
so many of my own paintings featuring a fat, full moon....or several.

the crescent too,is beautiful.
a story book moon; luminescent.  romantic.