Wednesday, October 31, 2012


It's Halloween, the night of all things spooky.goblins and ghosts and zombies roam the streets. Black cats rule!!!
Happy Halloween, one and all!"

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


i don't know what to say about this subject except that i wasn't very good at being married.
infidelity severs trust and damages relationships, but a stolen kiss can be so sweet...

168/music/tom waits

waits' smokey, gravely voice singing.  "two dead ends and you still have to choose".
His music is quirky and brilliant, like the man himself, i imagine.  his characters are truckers, waitresses, drug dealers, down and outers, pimps, prostitutes and drunks.  they stagger against the odds.  he is one of the great storytellers of our time. his work is bluesy and dark; very clever and haunting, too.

no. 167 classes

The last class i really enjoyed was a floral design seminar, we learned many different design ideas.  it was a day long and an unusually dismal day, especially for San Diego.  We were cold and wet.  Each of us got a bucket full of the same flowers.  We learned six new designs that day.  i drove home with my car stuffed with floral arrangements.  we were given a boxed lunch-- very nice.  The last exercise of the day involved music and chocolate and allowed us to create.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

no. 166 writing

When i was young i liked to write.  I'd amuse myself writing stories as a youngster.  As a teenager it was poetry i wrote.  that lasted nearly two decades, and always there was a journal, and long letters.  and that silly novella.  i apparently had lots to say in those days  i don't know what happened but i went from being prolific (though poor) writer to being someone who can't write a shopping list without an effort.  i've spent years writing nothing more challenging than emails, brief and to the point. not at all like the so called writing i used to do.

no. 165 jewelry

Since the beginning of time people have adorned themselves in jewelry.  It is the most popular retail item that i know of.
When I was younger i wore rings and a Christ head charm around my neck.  i don't wear much jewelry.  i have a plain silver chain i like to wear on my wrist , but it keeps breaking.  and earrings -- always earrings-- most of the time smal gold hoops that i can sleep in and shower with  and forget them.
I don't like the fussiness of things around my neck or on my fingers.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

no. 164 online relationships

I've had many online relationships since 1996 when i frst had my MAC.  The only thing they had in common was their brevity.  Most of them lasted for years ut eventually fizzeled out.  Some people just disappeared in cyberspace --- one day there, next day gone forever.  it used to break my heart.  some ended through mutual indifference, some through death.
You can feel every emotion online that you do in real time.  at least i could.  from tolerance to enjoyment through lust and respect to great affection.
Where are these people now i wonder.  do they ever think of me?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

no. 163 architecture

I love architecture.  The whole concept of building something that stands in the air and is beautiful, too.  I think of Gehry's buildings and I am astonished by the light.  The organic look of Frank Lloyd Wright's waterfall prairie house or Philip Johnson's glass house.  I gravitate to these designs.  What Louis Kahn did in Bangladesh was beautiful, too.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

no. 162 Big Foot

The legend of Big Foot is part folklore, part hoax.  i dont know much about it.
I h ave my own version of Big Foot here at home, in Sam.  He's polydactal; 6 toes on 3 feet, 7 on one.  My Big Foot.

Monday, October 22, 2012

no. 161 fate/destiny

Creating your own destiny allows for free will.  I'm not sure i believe in destiny 100% but it might excuse me from some really stupid mistakes along the way.
I think fate is a factor but so is free will.  So we have a hand in creating our realities.  Choices to be made.  A different destiny with each choice.

no. 160 turning points

When i decided to go to the High School of Fashion Industries, getting married, moving to California, driving, hooking up with Bill, returning to NYC.
These were the turning points that i had a hand in, i.e. not circumstantial.Where you move to is a huge turning point.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

free write #159/secrets

i've never had many secrets in my own life.  i was always private, but not secretive.
other people were always telling me their secrets.  they knew their secrets would stay secret.
some secrets should stay that way.

Friday, October 19, 2012


from soft breezes to forceful gusts, the wind is always with us tho sometimes still.

in college we carried canvases to and from school.  it was a windy walk to the bus stop and inevitably crashed my canvas into barbara.  "its the wind", i said by way of an apology.  it became a standard line whenever one of us bumps into the other.

no.154-157/gypsies,twilight,friendship,pink bubble

(We decided to do something a little different this time. we tried to write a story consisting of these 4 subjects).

154.  the old gypsies danced in the twilight.  their rainbow colored skirts swayed as they lifted their tambourines.  they had been friends a long time and their movements were perfectly in sync.  A pink bubble of light shimmered in the early evening sky.

When the music ended the two women headed for the refreshment table where they quenched their thirst with lemonade or beer, or whatever drink it is that old gypsies favor.

Afterwards they returned to their tent with the large palm painted on the entrance.  inside the tent were carpets and cushions and a table with two chairs.  the thick smokey fragrance of incense filled the space.

One woman sat at the table while the other lowered herself to the cushions on the floor.  Then they waited.
A few minutes passed and the old gypsies were quiet together.  they had spent so much time in one another's company that they didn't need to talk.  They heard a young voice at the entrance of the tent. 

"knock knock" the voice said, giggling nervously.

The gypsy ladies welcomed them ; two young girls, about 20, they appeared.

Outside the twilight had faded. The ladies chatted.. the gypsy ladies held the girls palms in their wrinkled hands and read about romance and fortune. before the girls left, the gypsies told them.

"there is a long journey in your hands.  You will eat much salt and much sweetness, too"


is there a difference between habit and addiction?  maybe habits are more positive things, tho i think most of my habits are addictions...smoking, coffee,diet pepsi.
i have a habit of leaving for the art group at 9:43 every day.  that's just a habit.
i have speech habits that annoy even me.  oh yea?  wow.
doing these free writes has become a habit.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

free write 152/annoying things

annoying things, like when you have to call a business and get their automated telephone system. Press or say 1 for english; i'm sorry i didn't understand you,press or say 1 for english,2 for lost or stolen cards.  finally, you've heard all 25 options and none of them are what you need. at that point it disconnects you and you get to start the whole process all over again.grrr.

Monday, October 15, 2012


I've admired Dylan since back in his blowing in the wind days.  I was one of the people who loved it when he went electric.  to this day, highway 61 revisited is one of my favorites.  and here comes romeo, he's bleeding, you belong to me i believe.  when someone says you're in the wrong place my friend you better leave.
No one turns a phrase like Dylan, and no one turns the screws like him -- idiot wind it's a wonder you still know how to breathe.

Sunday, October 14, 2012


Many long years ago i went to the high school of fashion industries, studying to be a fashion designer.  i knew a lot about fashion in those days.  i don't have the money to follow fashion trends anymore.  i have my standard uniform, jeans and t-shirt or denim work shirt.  simple.  my dress up wardrobe consists of black jeans and a silk shirt.


Groucho Marx once said he wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would accept him.  I feel similarly about groups, though i've been part of some very cool gruops.  Most notably, Many Hands, the art co-op where i was a member for many years.
Group dynamics are interesting, but i dropped a class with that title soon after the professor said we'd be videotaped.
Groups make me uncomfortable -- i prefer one on one interactions.
Then there's always that mob mentality that is cause for concern.
i've been going to an assertiveness training group for years now.  i know how to be assertive though i don't always feel i have the right to be assertive.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


spaces are places to be filled. there aren't a lot of spaces in my home.

i dream of studio space again some day, and the whole concept of the spaces between things has always intriqued me

something so wonderful and welcoming about a blank space inviting you to fill it with color or form.

there's spaces in writing too....a pause, a line ending.

i like spaces filled with lots of interesting stuff.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


i admire old clocks;the precision of the gears,clicking seconds.

i had a pendulum clock made of glass with the gears showing.  it was taken when the carriage house got robbed. it fascinated me to watch the workings move.

clocks that chime on the hour are cool, too.

i only have two clocks in my home.  both are small and set into wood.  One was given to me on my fifth anniversary at Mental Health Systems; the other purchased just because the wood was beautiful.

clocks are a recurrent theme in my work.  here is an ink and collage piece, called "making peace with time"

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

146/alone on a deserted island

if i were alone on an island i hope i'd have a swiss army knife, at least. and some renewable food source.  i would hope to make friends with the animals indigenous to the island.
oh heck, MY deserted island  has books galore and indoor plumbing.May as well include a pool and tons of art supplies waiting to be discovered. i might get lonely but i'd never get bored.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


i happen to believe that religion is another thing at the root of evils.  many horrible acts committed in the name of religion.
oppression. intolerance. anti women, anti gays anti birth control.  such discourse and suffering based on religion.
on the other hand, i very much appreciate churches built to glorify God ...especially old , european ones with.high domes and intricate stained glass windows; archways; fine marble. everything ornate and hand assembled piece by piece.

Monday, October 8, 2012

144/ day dreams

it occurs to me i don't day dream much anymore. i was always day dreaming in school, but i don't remember what i day dreamed about. success as an artist , i suppose....getting that phone call that some painting has just sold for some huge sum.
i day dream about the lottery sometimes.  what would i do with a million dollars?  something like what i do now, take in strays, only on a grander level.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

free write#143/earliest childhood memories

i remember seeing a huge cube of ice being lifted  by two claws, off a truck once when i was very little.  it was the first and last time i saw ice being delivered to cool an old ice box.
i was very young when my mother and i rented an attic room in a big old house.  the house was built on a two story foundation.  the house was owned by three spinster sisters. mostly i remember the stairs; two flights of concrete stairs outside, 3 flights of wooden stairs inside.  the banister was a rich warm brown.  i wanted to slide down it but i don't think i ever did.

Saturday, October 6, 2012


Long may you run....

My favorite car was my first Toyota, 1976 oxidized silver, 2 doors.  It looked lke crap on the outside, but ran like a dream.  I drove that little car on a  lot of freeways, routes 5, 805, 163, 94, 8.  I drove it downtown and local, and up mountain roads.  It was very dependable.
Long may you run - with your chrome heart shining in the sun...
My last car was a 4-door Volvo sedan.  It was like driving a tank.  i didn't get to drive that car nearly enough.


Mostly i don't know my neighbors, except for Barb, my best friend, and freewrite partner.  we're real neighborly, but its taken nearly 40 years.
It was easier to get to know neighbors on the west coast.  those open doors invited neighbors.
My most memorable neighbor was Nellie, in National City.  96 and spry.  We watched African Queen together one afternoon. and both of us swooned for Bogey.  She had more energy than I had at a third her age.
La Fontana had many crazy neighbors.  Polly became a good friend, Sam.....

Thursday, October 4, 2012


I haven't been in a plane since before 9/11, i'm sure it's a different experience now.  i was always leaving someone, so most of my flying times were emotional to say the least.
My favorite planes are the small 2 seaters, Cessnas, I believe.  went flying a few times out of Teeterboro airfield. there were 4 of us in the plane.  i don't really grasp how planes actually fly, but it is a marvel to me.

139/ice cream

Ice cream is God's most perfect creation.   i don't know whoever thought to make this confection, but it is my favorite food.  Cold and creamy and sweet.  ice cream cures all sorts of ills --  cools you off, elevates mood, energizes.  in a cup or on a cone; a  plate or a wooden stick, ice cream is magical.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


It's impossible to think on gratitude and not want to start listing the people you're grateful for.  To live in a state of gratitude you must be content with what you've got. For the most part, I am.
I'm grateful for too many things to list -- to live in gratitude is to be thankful of your lot in life.

Monday, October 1, 2012

137 freewrite Sexuality

I used to know a lot more about this subject than I currently know.  At 60, i'm asexual, at best.
Sexuality has been studed in depth, but still remains a mystery.  Ripe, succulent, these are words I associate with sexuality.  Clearly I  have very little sexual identity these days.