106/crayons

When i was 6 years old my best friend had her tonsils taken out.  I got her crayons and coloring books and drawing paper as a get well gift.  it was crayola's 64 color box with the sharpner in the back of the box .  I coveted that gift.  It wasn't like I didn't have crayons of my own.  But those were 64 colors!!!The crayons were sharp and solid and included three metalic shades of gold, silver and bronze. so even tho the crayons were my gift to her i resented her for the entire afternoon.

years later the waxy smell of crayons still takes me back to many happy hours of drawing and coloring.  and the 64 color box still makes me smile.

#105/time

I tend to have some trouble with the notion of linear time,contrived by man and limited to measurements. I think of time as being an artificial concept, but i know it passes.  Faster, the older i get.

"time run like a frieght train...."

"time it was and what a time it was...."

i am rambling here, filling time.

free write 104/age

There are some good things that come with age...a more relaxed attitude and acceptance of myself and my circumstances.

Each age has its own beauty and its own complexities.

Many years ago an older lady told me the only thing that really changes is the outside.  true in some ways, but not all.

I don't know what to say about aging except that it beats the alternative.

103/museums

The last time I went to MOMA was to see a photography exhibit, but my favorite part of the day was seeing the paintings.
Klimpt,Picasso, Klee, Matise...like seeing old friends i hadn't seen in twenty years.
Its been a long time since I've been to the Met or the Gugenheim or the Whitney...where i was first introduced to Lucas Samaras.
I've been to the Museum of Modern Art a couple of times and to the Brooklyn museum some years back to see a maxfield Parrish exhibit.
When I was a kid I would cut school and go the museums.  At the Brooklyn museum i liked the student section best.  I don't remember seeing that section last time i was there.

102/plants

I have a lot of plants with names i either don't know or can't pronounce.
I like having living things around, hence the five cats and the windows filled with plants.

I've been lazy this season, and while I haven't neglected them to death, I haven't done much beyond the bare minimum to nourish them.

101/seasons

My favorite season is Autumn for its coolness and its color.  i love walking in freshly fallen leaves and hearing that slight crackle when you step on them.  Fall for home owners must not be so fun, tho, sweeping and disposing of those lovely colored leaves.
Winter has its own stark beauty...bare trees revealing twisted, graceful limbs.  Flat, grey skies, wet with snow...so perfect as its falling, such a hassle later on.
Everyone loves Spring's green and colorful abundance...birds and flowers and allergies for some.
Try as i might i can't quite find the good in scorching summer, except that the sunsets are beautiful.

#100/free write

sometimes these free writes are too difficult.  i get distracted by the ink and the flow of the letters off my pen.  i start drawing the letters like i did in steno class way, way back when.
i think it has to do with my lack of artistic endeavors of late.  the act of writing...the physical act of writing, that is, becomes dominant to the subject matter.
i have no idea what i'm rambling about on this very smokey night/suddenly quiet except for the sound of the AC and sapphrire interrupting the flow.

99/earth

mother earth must surely weep as we strip her of her resources and violate her with toxic waste.  she must weep for the trees that fall along the amazon and the melting glaciers of antartica.
earth has been a resilient planet so far.

98/vision

i met a blind lady once who told me she had lost her sight but not her vision.

my vision has always been poor.  i don't quite see the big picture for all the details or sometimes all i see is the big picture but the details are blurred.

a vision in the sense of a visitation is something else again.   I've seen what wasn't there...tho only on a minor scale and only while on a vision quest.

free write 97/ shoes

My mother loved shoes.  especially high heels. as she got older and was less able to wear that style of shoe, i started her on a shoe collection.  Other relatives and friends went along.
So now i have inherited a huge collections of shoes, mostly ceramic, but wire and wooden ones too.  some made of resin, several brass high buttoned shoes, a crocheted shoe.  baby shoes and heels in all sizes.  some broken ones i repaired and covered with polymer clay.

i go without shoes as often as possible.

free write # 96/chains

i remember what it was like to live in chains, even tho it was a long time ago.  invisible chains cut into your soul the way cold steel cuts the flesh....which only happens when you start to stir.  if you stay very still you can learn to live in chains with a certain acceptance of your fate.
sometimes i would rattle the chains enough to be released for a spell, but the chains were always waiting.
i suppose there are still some chains on my spirit, that i've put there myself...

#95/Angels

I always played an angel in my church's annual christmas program.  except for that one year there weren't enough boys in sunday school so i donned a beard and played a Shepard.
I don't know much about real life angels, having never recognized one.  I've met angelic people but none who seemed other worldly.
I love making angels.  Every christmas i make angels out of something....from polymer clay to bleached white coffee filters to wire and silk angels.  There's something reverent about making angels.

snow angels are fun too.

94/Tarot

Did a simple three card tarot reading just now. The page of pentacles was the first card i chose.  it says, i believe,that my past has been related to material things, $$$, the lack there of.
My present card was the Empress which is all about abundance and prosperity.  the cards must be pulling my leg.
My future card was the ace of wands...having to do with creativity and flourishing, i believe.
Maybe the cards are saying I already have abundance, even if its a bunch of junk.

If the future holds some new creative blossoming that would be grand.

free write # 93/theater

I haven't been to the theater in a long time. My mom loved theater and she passed that love on to me.  I've only been to see a play once since my mom passed and that was to see a local theater group doing agatha christie's "ten little indians".

mom and i saw lots of musicals together; man of la mancha, eubie!, 42nd street, La cage, so many more i can't recall not to mention all the off broadway productions.

theater is that combination of velvet curtains and magic.

i saw Jesus Christ Superstar with Lynne, Colored Girls with Tony, the season at Circle in the Square and Cubiculo with Arlene.  Godspell with Tom. 

not much more to say about theater except that i miss it and wish i could afford to go.

#92/Drugs

I think prescription drugs are necessary and good even tho i pretty much hate the pharmaceutical companies.  but don't get me started on that.
I heavily medicated myself and i think its been helpful. i'm one of those people who wait till i can't stand it anymore before taking pain meds.   Exactly what you aren't supposed to do, but its ingrained in me to try to tough it out.
Drugs solve a lot of problems and sometimes they create more than they solve.  i hate anything codeine based...makes me feel disoriented and miserable.